I Can't Yet

    I know I promised to not bother him anymore; to not care for him anymore; to not ask for any more than what we have now; to not love him more than I love him now - but I can NOT. I just can't yet. People say he's not worthy of all these from me and my brain agrees with them. But my heart is stubborn; stupidly stubborn. It just doesn't want to stop waiting, caring, and  loving him.

    I hope one day, it's going to be easy for me to just stop all these, because I have to; because it is necessary; because my heart needs it. But for now, not yet.

#creativewritingAug25

Blank

    I am just staring at nothing. I know I'm thinking of something which I think does not really matter.

    I'm tired. I'm stressed.

    I'm sick of this life! I feel like I am deteriorating by the moment.

    I want to move away! I want to have something new! Something that I really want!

    ... but I don't really know what I want.

     I know it's crazy to be speaking like this. But I got to speak my mind out even if there's really nothing inside. Or, maybe, I just want to heard.

Letting It All Out

        Today, I told him what I really wanted to tell him for so long, and more. I just felt at ease as I told him everything. But I don't think that was it. I think there are still details I was not able to tell him.

        But what's important is, he now knows - that I care for him and that he is very special to me. He has, somehow, changed my life and made it very exciting. He made it really fun. Although it was not in all good, but at least, I get to experience things I was not able to experience before. Because, before a diamond becomes a diamond on a rich woman's ring, it is first a gem in a dirty rock with no perfect shape.

#creativewritingAug24

10 Reasons Why I AM the Best Choice

1. ... because I know and I would strive to know first before doing anything.
2. ... because I can. When given the task and I'm really focused in it, I make sure that no matter what happens, I will make it. With God's guidance, I will deliver.
3. In romantic relationships: I am the best choice because I can be a very good partner and lover.
4. I am very loyal. I'd do everything for you specially when you already have my trust. I will never betray you, intentionally. ;-)
5. I know how to appreciate things and people that deserve it.
6. I speak my mind in the right place and time. I've learned to not yell at people anywhere without reason.
7. I am a good friend. I am a sincere friend. You can only hear the truth from me. I know no pretensions and hypocrisy.
8. I am not very choosy. I eat whatever is prepared for me (almost all), I do things even if I'm not prepared for it when there is no other choice, and I perform the task even if I don't really feel like doing it for the sake of the people that need me to do it.
9. I am responsible; yes. :)
10. I am a true Christian; imperfect, but always striving to be perfect.

#creativewritingAug21

10 Qualities of My Future Partner

1. He SHOULD be God-fearing. He must have a strong relationship with the Lord and it should be visible.
2. He must be strong; physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. He should be someone who can take care of me, love me and provide for me and our future family.
3.  He SHOULD be humble; before his family, before other people and before God. He should be respectful and be respected not just because of his name or because of what he has done but because Christ can be seen in him.
4. He SHOULD be responsible. He must know how to think and act as a brother, a father, a son, a husband, a lover and a friend all at the same time.
5. He SHOULD be a quiet type; just to make a contrast- to have balance. I am already talkative. (Laugh)
6. He SHOULD be intelligent enough to make a good conversation with anyone he would talk to and intelligent enough to handle things when they can't be managed anymore, specially me.
7. He SHOULD be sweet and caring; I just like it.
8. He SHOULD be my friend  that I can have fun with and be crazy with, even around other people. He should match my energy!
9. He SHOULD have a green thumb. He should be able to teach me how to plant and grow them.
10. He will love me for who I am; accept me and my imperfections and will never leave me even when I am down, and the situations are at its' worst. He will give me courage. He will be God's voice of comfort for me. He will be my partner in everything.

#creativewritingAug20

10 Things That Make Me Smile

1. The mountains, the sunset and sunrise.
2. Children.
3. Ice cream, spaghetti and lasagna. (Hmmmm!)
4. My Purple Parasol team (Wedding Coordinating team I work as an Asst. for) specially my boss, Ate Rona.
5. Cute little violet and pink stuff
6. James Reid, Enrique Gil, and Ryan Rems (Mr. Rock n' Roll to the world)!!!
7. Drummers and guitarists.
8. When I see my crush, or when I hear his name or when I hear him speak...
9. When I see my friends and whenever I'm with them...
10. When I see the whole of my family worship together...

#creativewritingAug19

Analogy of Love and Relationship

“The world  is a grocery store…”

By: Ellyn Rose B. Alarcio

“Getting into a relationship is like going to a grocery store to buy the ingredients you need for a perfect menu you want to prepare for dinner. You have a list, and a budget. The list is God’s guide on the kind of person and relationship He wants us to be with and get into, and the budget represents our lives. The world  is a grocery store. As you look for the things that you NEED, you will be enticed by other UNNECESSARY things and you will be tempted to buy them even if it’s not on your list, thus, you will have to decide: buy those things you DON’T NEED before the ones on the list and mess up with your budget, or stick to the list, be sad a little, but go home with all you’re ingredients completed and with contentment?”

          Today, whether teenagers, young adults, or adults – everyone becomes interested when hearing or reading anything about love. Do you? Well, maybe because most of us have gone through the process of waiting, loving, forgiving, hurting, coping, and moving on. But has it ever crossed your mind: what if I have listened to my Mom? What if I took my bestfriend’s advice? What if I did not hastily got into that relationship because I was just attracted? What if I listened to God’s words?

                God’s words in I Corinthians 13:4 say, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” God has already given us the idea about what true love is. All we need to do is “be patient and wait for Him (Ps. 37:7)” and and His plans which can only be good for us (Jeremiah 29:11). God does not want us to live a life in  pain and with so many regrets, so He guides us through our parents, sometimes thru our relatives and at times thru our closest friends. But it saddens me to say that most of us get too excited to experience the beauty of this thing so-called LOVE that we jump into things which eventually will make us regret, causing our hurts to get wounded and get scarred. But what’s worse is, we think that we are only able to cope up when we have someone beside us – as in a relationship with the opposite sex; for some of us we think that this is the only escape from the pain. Well let me tell you the truth: IT IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE. The more we get ourselves involve in an intimate relationship with one of the two having wrong motives, we’ll only damage our hearts further.

            So, I suggest, let’s all go back to the basics. Let’s know first what we really NEED in our lives: a lover, a husband, a father/mother to our children – or a PARTNER more than anything else, who was custom-molded by God’s own hands to fit our personality and has been given the capability to accept us and love us for who we are, support us when we feel like backing down, and will be with us through sunny or stormy day?  Then, pray and wait… PATIENTLY.

10 Ways to Make My Life Better

1. I'll have to become more intelligent...
2. I'll have a better paying job that I love...
3. I'll finish paying for motorcycle...
3. I'll get my own gadgets; laptop and professional camera...
4. My siblings are able to help me support the family...
5. I'll go to farther and more beautiful places in the Philippines.
6.  I am able to bring my family with me.
7. I have more time to serve my church.
8. I have more than enough time spent with the Lord and reading His word.
9. I stay with my friends for a longer period of time...
10. Someone is able to love me for who I am, accept my character and love my imperfections, both physical, mental  and spiritual.

#creativewriting

10 Reasons Why my Life is Beautiful

(for Monday, 08-17-2015)

1. I have a complete family and I have siblings. .
2. I am full of energy; therefore I can do what I want.
3. I have a job.
4. I am very optimistic.
5. I am able to create my own song and sing them.
6. I can play instruments.
7. I'm able to travel.
8. I believe in LOVE.
9. I am surrounded by friends with different personalities.
10. I was given the opportunity to accept Jesus Christ as my one and only Savior; my Creator, Father, Redeemer and Friend.

:)
#creativewriting

Insecurities

Yes, people say I'm not ugly, that I'm pretty and that I got all the characteristic of a "close to perfect" girl, but I still can't seem to believe it. I'm sill convinced that everyone is better than me; more beautiful, more talented, more skillful. I still can't accept the fact that God has only given me this much and has given other ladies more than what I have.

But I don't blame HIM. Someday, when all is already clear to me - my purpose in this world - I will have no more insecurities. I'll be content with what I have and be happy with them. I'll be complete as a person and will not ask for more, but only what's enough and worthy to have.

"Bubble"

God knows how much I want to let this out, but I'm trying my best not to, for my sake and his'.

I've always wanted to give up and scream it at his face, "What do you really want from me? why don't you say a word? You once said you've got something for me, but why did it change? I'm not playing games on you, so I hope you don't play with me too." 

It is really hard to - I don't want to say FALL IN LOVE - "feel" something very awkwardly special for someone who does not even say what he feels about you. I have  been very stupid to let him in me and let him take over every part of me piece by piece. I'm in a maze right now, not knowing which way to go to escape this mind-wrecking, a heart-tearing dilemma. The memories we shared is like a shattered glass that I pick up out of insanity and wound myself without minding it. This feeling I'm feeling for him right now is overly excruciatingly painful that I want to bathe myself clean and then drown in the sea of nothingness and just... disappear.

#bubble

Me

  This photo was taken more than 2 years ago at the "The Big Tree"  at Canlaon City. I was rappelling down the century-old Balete tree when my supervisor/friend/ate took this photo of me. This is my most favorite photo.

   I consider this photo as the best photo of me because it shows how simple I am; my joys, my adventures, my life, my needs and wants. I didn't have to fake a smile on this photo because I was happy, as far as I can remember. I felt really complete during this time; I had a very good relationship with my Lord, a caring family and crazy, fun-loving friends, a good-paying job and  I had someone who loved me as a woman. (I think you know what I mean). Yes, I was really happy this time. I felt - somehow - complete. 

   I didn't stay happy though. That is a fact. Things happen that brought me down and made me sad and discouraged at life. But whenever I see this picture, I'm always reminded of this: I make my own happiness. Happiness isn't something that I live for but something that I can always CHOOSE to be. Life may throw me all those bullc**** at my face but I have the reason to remain happy; It is my PURPOSE. I know I have one, and I know I am still in the process of discovering it, and whatever it is going to be, I will be glad and will rejoice in it.